I’ve been watching a period drama where a couple in their 50s fall in love and get engaged. One of the delightful aspects of their love story is how simple and easy it seems. He likes her, she likes him and — boom — they’re engaged. It’s refreshing to see even a fictional romance just “work out” without a lot of angst and drama.
While these kinds of relationships do occur, I think the general perception is that finding a godly spouse past the college years is like a camel going through the eye of a needle. I won’t go into the many (valid) reasons it feels that way. Instead, I want to focus on ways singles can prepare and position themselves for a drama-free love story.
Get healthy. Every person carries baggage into relationships. Whether absorbed from one’s family of origin, trauma, abuse, or past romantic ties, all of us carry challenges, sin patterns and quirks into dating and marriage. Being self-aware and intentional about allowing God to heal our broken places sets us up for healthier relationships.
In Luke 4:23, Jesus quoted a proverb of the time: “Physician, heal thyself.” This proverb is taken to mean that we should attend to our own defects before addressing the defects of others. This is great advice in general but particularly if you’re a marriage-minded single. Attending church, engaging in community, meditating on Scripture, communing with God through prayer, addressing addiction, and taking advantage of counseling are some of the ways we invite God’s healing into our lives. Since marriage tends to bring individual unhealth to the surface, the more we address these issues during singleness, the stronger our marriages will be.
Run the race marked out for you. One of the best ways to be prepared for meeting your spouse is to faithfully walk the path God has marked for you. Hebrews tells us we must cast off sin and run with our eyes on Jesus, who is the perfector of our faith. Running your race means you are submitted to God and are allowing Him to use you for His purposes. Then you wait for a running buddy. I described this phenomenon in my article “A Year to Love”:
“In his sermon series on Song of Solomon, Tommy Nelson talks about courtship and marriage in terms of a race. Nelson says that as Christian singles “run the race” God has set before them, they should be looking to see who is to their right and left as they run. Who is keeping pace, running nearby, heading the same direction?
“From the day I met Kevin, he kept popping up next to me. While I considered him simply a fellow churchgoer, I did note his character. I noticed the way he treated people with utter kindness and how he didn’t hesitate to jump in and serve.”
If you’re not running after Jesus, a romantic possibility may still show up. However, the chances of making a quality, kingdom-building match diminish. When Kevin and I met, we encouraged each other in all the right ways. Together we could run faster and farther as we followed Jesus.
Serve. Serving is another way to prepare for a drama-free relationship. As believers we are all called to use our gifts and abilities to serve others (1 Peter 4:10), but making time to do it (or even having the desire) can be difficult in our fast-paced world. Whether time or other opportunities, service costs us something.
Several years ago, my uncle lost a friend to cancer. He had known the man’s family through church for many years. After the man passed away, his widow needed help with their property, which had fallen into disrepair during his illness. My uncle has a knack for fixing things, so he stepped up to meet the need. As he served faithfully doing many labor-intensive projects, he developed a friendship with the lady of the house. She began cooking him dinner and they soon fell in love.
At their recent wedding, the pastor said, “This love story was born out of service.” What a beautiful sentiment — especially since service is the hallmark of every God-honoring relationship. Cultivating a heart of service during singleness prepares you for marriage (not to mention, it is extremely attractive!). As you put the needs of others ahead of your own, you practice the deference needed for a successful marriage.
You may not have control over when romance enters your life, but you do have control over how you prepare. By pursuing emotional and spiritual health, faithfully running your race and cultivating a heart of service, you’ll be ready when the day comes. Don’t stress about how it will all unfold. You can trust that your loving Father already knows the details and is working them together for your good.
Copyright 2024 Suzanne Hadley Gosselin. All rights reserved.
